The Newborn Days

One of the primary purposes of this blog is to document my life. Hudson just turned six months old so his newborn days kind of feel like forever ago, but I feel like if I don't put this in writing now I will soon forget it completely.

 

First of all, I remember being shocked that they just let us take Hudson home. Did anyone else have to diligently fill out the newborn sheet with the feeding and diaper changes? I felt like I had been taking a test since he was born and the fact that they were letting us leave meant that we had passed.

The whole drive home I was kind of in shock that he was ours and that we were solely responsible for him from the moment we left the hospital. The drive home felt like it took FOREVER.

When we got home we showed him around and introduced him to our pets (we have one dog and two cats) so that was all very exciting!

When we finally sat down and took a moment to breathe for the first time since he was born, Jared freaked out and I let out a sigh of relief. You see, while at the hospital Jared was a very good student who listened to everything the nurses would say and look to them for guidance. I was surprised to find out I HATED the hospital. I was determined to breastfeed and had done lots of research in advance. I felt pressured by multiple nurses to give Hudson formula and because of that I could not WAIT to get home. Jared felt lost without the nurses but I assured him that this part I could handle.

I can clearly remember our first night at home. I remember putting him in his guitar PJ's and swaddling him. I remember waking up every hour to check on him/feed him. I remember that we had not yet learned that newborns pee a little bit ALL THE TIME and it wasn't really necessary to change his diaper every time the strip turned blue. 

The next several days ere a sleep deprived blur as we adjusted to our new life.

At our one week appointment, our pediatrician told us that Hudson was jaundiced and that we would need to take him to the hospital to have his blood tested and that we would go from there. I remember holding it together all the way to the car and then bawling my eyes out because I felt like a failure as a Mother. How had I not noticed my baby was orange? Was I being so stubborn about breastfeeding that I was starving my baby thus making the jaundice worse? Then he had to have his heel pricked and I bawled again.

I spent the next 24 hours doing skin to skin, breastfeeding, and sticking him in the sun. I was terrified they would have to readmit him to the hospital or make me use formula. We had to go back to the hospital to have his heel pricked AGAIN but we soon got a call that his levels were improving and he would be fine.  Then I bawled because Jared was going back to work the next day. Poor Jared. That 24 hour period was probably my all time low.

The next few weeks were the hardest of my life. I wish I could go back and tell myself so many things: you WILL sleep again, premade iced coffee is your friend, there is nothing wrong with being in yoga pants 24/7. And above all, sometimes all you will accomplish in a day is feeding and loving your baby and that is OK.

I will be back later this week with my favorite newborn items!